You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
