I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
