If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
