Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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