I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
