Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
