So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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