Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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