So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
