sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
