There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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