woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
