You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
