apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
