two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
