Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
