Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
