omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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