I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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