My friends, they love my intelligence
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I will be naked everywhere
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
