Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
