Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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