I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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