just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My cat gives me a boner
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
