bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
