I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
