He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
