Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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