Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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