He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
