grandma shit on top of the toilet
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
