he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
