I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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