peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I look better un-naked...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
