Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Houston, we have a squirter
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize