alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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