I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
