i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
