why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize