We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
