gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
