This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
