I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
