If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
