dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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