my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
