Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
