Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
