dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
