please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize