Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
