im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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