we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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