we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
