go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
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