ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
