it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
