I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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