i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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