my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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