And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
