Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
