it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
false alarm, still single
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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