We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
