i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
