i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
